Confession

I hope everyone’s New Year has started well. Mine has been great so far and I’m very excited about 2007. I’ve been reminiscing about the beginning of 2006. One of the things that came to mind was how liberated I felt when I let go of my failed marriage. I also recall feeling slight trepidation about dating again; after all, I had been out of “the game” for around 12 years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very confident in who I am and what I have to offer. But, I never really felt that my personal traits translated well or were accurately represented in the typical dating venues of bars or clubs. It seems much of the emphasis and judgment is based on personal appearance in these places. I’m not flashy, stunningly good-looking, well-dressed, nor extremely outgoing. Given my feelings on the subject, I decided that I would try avoiding the bar scene (plus having a full-time job and raising 2 girls on your own really puts a strain on a social life). This friendly, funny, witty, thoughtful, slightly dorky, and mildly handsome short guy was going to delve into a world he never thought he would enter…Internet Dating!!! Yes, I admit it. I was sort of embarrassed by it at first, but if you think about it rationally, meeting someone through a dating site makes much more sense (thus, you would think it should be more socially acceptable) than hooking up with someone at a bar. At least when you go the internet route, you have some sort of description of the person and the opportunity to communicate and see if the individual in question is someone you might find interesting and you can go from there.

My personal experience with internet dating was very positive (except for the one slightly crazy woman that was communicating with me). My goal when I started was just to meet some people. I had no expectation of meeting “my soul mate” or “Mrs. Right”; plus, I just got out of a long marriage so why would I want to get all serious with someone anyway. I remember when I made up my profile; I stated that I was just looking for casual dating but would consider something more serious if I met the ultimate woman. I think I even said that she would have to “knock my socks off”. I was unwilling to compromise again. This woman would have to be funny, smart, goal oriented, considerate, pretty, outgoing, loving, sexy, caring, non-materialistic, fun, talented, and have the ability to laugh at herself. She would also have to appreciate me and be able to reciprocate all the love and caring that I’m capable of giving. She would have to accept my faults and applaud my strengths…be my perfect partner. Oh yeah…and by the way…she would also have to accept and love my girls. I know…it’s quite a tall order and truthfully I figured it would take a long time to find someone even close to my ideal mate. So I began my quest in earnest and had a strong response from women that found my profile and/or picture interesting. I also initiated communication to a handful of potential dates. There was one woman in particular, who originally caught my eye with her beautiful picture, but it was her intriguing profile that really got my attention. Thankfully, she returned my email. After about a week, I was talking on the phone or emailing a few women regularly and actually went on a lunch date. But I kept coming back to that one person that I found so interesting. I looked forward to her emails each day and found that our situations were so different yet undeniably similar. She became the main focus of my cyber attention. Our messages to each other were amazing (I still have them saved, by the way). Then it happened…she asked me on a date. I was so excited that I was going to meet this person. However, a fear crept over me…when it was just an email relationship I could envision this woman in the context of her profile and email messages…would the real woman live up to this preconceived idea I had of her…would I live up to the expectations she had of me…I longed for her messages each day, but if the date went bad what would I have to look forward to? I pushed the negative thoughts aside and pressed on. I will never forget when I first saw her…she was walking towards me and it was just like a movie when the music plays and the object of desire is walking in slow motion across the room with a beam of light shining down on them. I was stunned for a minute but regained my composure. I pulled it together and we ended up having a great time together. She was all that I had imagined and more. That date ended up spring boarding us into more dates together and that initial flame quickly consumed us. Neither of us was looking for a serious relationship but we both realized we had something special.

You all know how this story ends…actually “ends” is not the proper word, because the story continues still today. I’m still amazed that I found someone that “knocked my socks off”, especially so soon. My wife is the ultimate woman and I love her more everyday. I think there is a lesson here too…Don’t be afraid to try something different. I could have let my negative perception of internet dating prevent me from trying it. It was a great experience…also, sometimes you find what you aren’t looking for…when this happens; have the courage to accept it. You’ll be glad you did.