Keeping It Up

Is Your Butt Burning?

2007-05-21T12:33:00.000-07:00

My commute to work is 25 miles each way. Unfortunately I share the road with some of the worst drivers on the planet. These people are chronic ass riders who think speed limits are more like guide lines that can be ignored. I can’t think of anywhere (inside the U.S.) where there is such a concentration of bad drivers. I shouldn’t be surprised because I witnessed my ex-wife’s (who is the worst driver I ever personally known, which led to more fights and arguments than I care to remember) driver’s test which consisted of her driving with a cop around a course that entailed a 1 mile circle. I was shocked when the test took all of about 2 minutes. I even asked the cop, “is that it?” To which he replied, “Yep, that’s it. Driving is all about experience. We don’t expect new drivers to be highly skilled when they first start out, that will all come with time and experience.” Yeah, we wouldn’t want to burden anyone with having the basic driving skills of parallel parking, three point turns, and highway/interstate driving techniques etc. I think the state has finally changed the driver’s test but there are still a few generations of drivers from the “old days”. So needless to say, I wouldn’t be surprised to wake up dead in some sort of auto accident involving a SUV/pick-up, cell-phone, and some jack-ass in a big rush to get to the grocery store or whatever.

One evening, after a particularly stressful commute home, my wife and I were talking about bad drivers. I said that I wished there was a way you could somehow get a bad driver’s attention when you witness one in action. She suggested that I secretly wished to be God and strike down the offensive drivers with a mighty blow, thus snuffing out their life and improving the driving situation, one bad driver at a time. I, of course, being a little less extreme than my lovely bride, countered with a different idea. I would still take the position of God, and address the people of the world with something similar to this; “I the almighty, who sees all, has been quite disappointed in what I have witnessed. You consistently break the rules of safety, good manners and kindness while you traverse the vast expanse of roadways on this magnificent world that I have bestowed upon you. From now on, if I witness someone acting unsafe, rude, incompetent or otherwise jack-assedly (I’m God, remember, I can make up my own words) whilst operating a motor vehicle; I will inflict the curse of an excruciatingly painful burning upon your butt-hole. The pain will be so brutal that you will not be able to continue driving your vehicle and you will be forced to pull over. The burning will continue until you recognize your sins against yourself or fellow drivers and express remorse for such actions. After that, the pain will subside and you will be able to function normally again. I would ask that you spread the word of your “ass burning” so that others may learn from your stupid knuckle headed mistakes and all mankind may travel together in safety and harmony. Remember you are all my children and I love you, but I still have the right to “tan your ass” so to speak. Thank you for your time, Peace out!”
So there is something to think about the next time someone cuts you off, rides your butt, drifts into your lane while picking up something off their floorboard (which happened to me this morning) or acts otherwise jack-assedly. Peace Out!

The Bright Side

2007-05-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

I usually consider myself a very upbeat and optimistic person. However, last Sunday I was in doldrums. I started thinking about the upcoming week and beyond and felt a sense of dread come over me. My work schedule was looking quite grueling, my girls are scheduled to visit their Mom for two weeks in June and my wife will be gone the first weekend in June to deliver our step-son to his father for his month long visitation. All of these combined factors were threatening to send me into a state of deep depression. My wife sensed my sullen mood and told me to look on the bright side of things and if I could just muddle through the rough stretches there is plenty to look forward to. So that is what I did and what a nice week it has been. It went by very quickly and I was able to take an unexpected day off on Friday. I had such a fun day. My step-son and I got to hang out and do some male bonding while my wife worked on meeting her word count goal for the day. After lunch, the little one took a nap and my wife and I adjourned to our bed to lounge and watch one of the 80’s movies we ordered from eBay. It was such a relaxing afternoon. We followed it up with an evening walk around the lake and returned home to cook some steaks on the grill. I really couldn’t have asked for a better day. I had to work yesterday but the wife and I were child-free for the evening so we decided to go out for a date. We had a great dinner at a cozy little Italian restaurant. We returned home and enjoyed each other’s company while we watched, yet another of our eBay 80’s movies. It was a most excellent date night!

I’m not sure what the point of this blog entry is…I guess there really isn’t one. Except… maybe…when things look bleak, sometimes you need to just take a look at things from a different perspective. I feel so lucky for what I have in my life. I love my family so much. I adore all of our children and truly cherish my wife. I think it’s amazing how much I enjoy my wife’s company and I can honestly say that I love her more today than I did when I married her 6 months ago (which doesn’t seem possible). But, I shouldn’t be surprised because she is all I ever wanted in a wife. With all of those things going for me, it really doesn’t matter how many days in a row I have to work or whatever other downers life can throw at you, I can always find a “bright side”.

I apologize to anyone that felt nauseated at reading this, but I’m just totally smitten and can’t help myself:)

Old Friends

2007-05-16T09:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I think I'm on the blog wagon again. We will see how it goes. I'm a little rusty, but I hope you enjoy the latest installment, just the same.

Today, I was thinking about all of the different people that I met and befriended during my 17 years in the Air Force. Unfortunately, I haven’t stayed in touch with many of them, but that doesn’t change the many fond memories that I have for them. We pretty much were all subject to the circumstances that caused our paths to cross, whether it was a deployment, remote assignment or whatever. I wonder what happened to the countless names and faces that helped make my career so enjoyable and those that helped me through some of the rough stretches. There was my first dormitory roommate, Eric, from Bean town. I remember how we used to go cruising in his old orange Ford truck and our night fishing expeditions. If , for some reason, you are reading this, Eric; I apologize to you for the times I had…um…overnight guests and you had to sleep in the dayroom and I did utilize your bed once while you were deployed to England, but hey…you were deployed to England, you lucky dog! Then there was my friend “Shaq”. He was a total clown. The funny thing about our friendship is the first few times we met, I thought he disliked me and he thought that I felt the same about him. We later ended up on a deployment together and after drinking a few beers together, we were best buds. We had a blast in Germany and St, Johns, Newfoundland I don’t think I had ever seen three months go by so fast. I will never forget being doubled over in pain, from laughter, as Shaq described the circumstances behind his hotel room bed getting broken and stating that sometimes a ménage et trois isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I had many good friends while stationed in Korea, but Shannon is the first person that comes to mind. He was a hard worker and always made sure everyone’s beer glass was full when we were at the bar (I’m sensing a common theme here). He introduced me the owner of the Stereo Club in “A” town, thus ensuring preferential treatment on our many excursions there. I will never forget when Shannon’s motor functions were slightly degraded and he asked me to pour his beer in his mouth for him. I hope your liver has recovered from that long year, my friend. Then there’s Jake. Jake and I spent hundreds of hours working on aircraft together and were often the go to guys when an aircraft had to be repaired quickly or attempts by other crews fell short. My daughter ended up being a flower girl in his wedding. Every other week we would go to a Chinese buffet restaurant that served crab legs. We would eat so many crab legs that our wives (at the time) refused to go back there with us (a sure sign that things weren’t meant to be in our marriages). D.J. was my roommate on my last deployment to Saudi Arabia in 2002. He had a unique way of counting down the days in country by prominently displaying a different card from his Hooters playing card deck. We’re both hockey fans and played roller hockey four times a week while deployed. D.J and I had an ongoing argument on who was hotter…Brittany Spears or Shakira. I always said that it was Shakira hands down, but I could never sway his opinion…I wonder what he thinks now? D.J and I would host a friendly game of cards once a week. One night while playing cards, someone made the comment “every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten.” You can imagine the response the comment got, but it sparked a legend of sorts. D.J. and his coworkers were bored at work and created a “Killing Kittens” score board…complete with a bell, so you could ring it each time you added a strike against another kitten (this is what happens when boredom sets in….scary isn’t it?) D.J. also took it upon himself to design a patch, featuring Bill the Cat (like the blog picture) depicting our deployment as the “Killin’ Kittens Tour”, which I still have to this very day. Another brain child of D.J. was the mustache contest. We had two weeks to grow facial hair and then we had a vote. I forget all of the different categories but, one was “most pre-pubescent” and another was “most porn star like” (which I won, btw).

That was just scratching the surface of all the different characters that I’ve met. I know that I’m missing so many others, but space and time is limited. Hopefully, you can look back at your acquaintances with a smile. Here’s to friends…past and present.

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

2007-02-14T07:16:00.000-08:00

I realize that my last entry highlighted my distain for commercials, but if I were the marketing director for Wal-Mart I would totally cash in on Valentines Day. My add slogan would go something like this; “Be sure to shop Wal-Mart, your one-stop shop for all of you Valentines Day needs. We have it all.”:
Cards? Check
Flowers? Check
Chocolates? Check
Rope? Check
Massage Oil? Check
Camera and Film? Check
Condoms (with or without vibrating pleasure ring)? Check
Teddy Bears? Check
Personal Lubricant? Check
Candles/Wax? Check
Heart Shaped Cookies? Check
Midget Dressed in Cowboy Costume, Riding a Tri-cycle? Okay…so maybe we don’t have EVERYTHING.

Seriously though, I’m not a huge fan of Valentines Day. I think the concept is good, but I don’t feel like I need a holiday to remind me to be romantic. I think of myself as an everyday romantic…I’m always trying to find little thoughtful things to do for my wife and I regularly treat her to foot massages and the like. However, it is nice to set aside a special day for our loved ones and that is what I appreciate most about Valentines Day. My biggest gripe is how cliché it is, with all of the roses and chocolates and such. I prefer something with a little more thought to it. Another flaw in V-day is that most of the marketing is geared towards gifts for women. But that only makes sense because the women put up with our crap the rest of the year. Personally, I have nothing to complain about because my wife was so thoughtful that she gave me some chocolates and a very pretty pair of thong panties for Valentines Day. The only problem is the panties don’t fit me very well. My…umm…stuff…keeps falling out and the string kind of chaffs my backside, but it’s the thought that counts. Hee Hee, I love that woman!

Hope you all have a great Valentines Day!!!

TV...Schmeevee!

2007-02-06T12:15:00.000-08:00

The Super Bowl and the commercials were the big topic of discussion this week. I watched some of the game but my feelings towards it were lukewarm, much like the rest of the football games during the regular season. I used to love to watch football, but trying to sit through a televised game is just painful to me. The amount of commercials is utterly ridiculous. Don’t get me wrong, I understand commercials generate the revenue for the television networks, but I feel the networks have damaged the entertainment value of their offerings in their quest to maximize profits from commercial breaks. It’s not just football either. Have you tried to watch a show or movie on a national or cable network (ex. TBS, Comedy Central, etc) lately? It seems like over half of the allotted time is dedicated to bombarding the viewer with advertisements for products, services or upcoming channel programming. I just don’t have the patience and end up using Tivo to record the program so I can skip through the commercials. My question is; has it always been this way or is it just me? I don’t think I have ADD, but I guess it’s possible that I have developed it in my adulthood. My wife may interject that it’s a sign of my rapidly advancing age and the first steps on my journey to becoming a crotchety old man. Hmm…maybe she’s right. I guess I’ll sign off now; I’ve grown bored with this blog entry, if only there would have been some flashy message about drinking cold beer with half naked women on trampolines, it might have kept my interest. Until next time.

Hello...Is This Thing On?

2007-02-04T07:30:00.000-08:00

Okay...so it's quite obvious that blogging more was not a New Year's resolution of mine. I've been swamped at work and the homefront has been pretty hectic also (that's nothing new). I'm still alive and have some riveting blog topics to share in the very near future. Please be patient and check back soon. Now I'm off to fix one of those temperamental flying machines, which was a subject of a previous entry. I hope you all have a great "Super Sunday".

Confession

2007-01-08T14:19:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone’s New Year has started well. Mine has been great so far and I’m very excited about 2007. I’ve been reminiscing about the beginning of 2006. One of the things that came to mind was how liberated I felt when I let go of my failed marriage. I also recall feeling slight trepidation about dating again; after all, I had been out of “the game” for around 12 years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very confident in who I am and what I have to offer. But, I never really felt that my personal traits translated well or were accurately represented in the typical dating venues of bars or clubs. It seems much of the emphasis and judgment is based on personal appearance in these places. I’m not flashy, stunningly good-looking, well-dressed, nor extremely outgoing. Given my feelings on the subject, I decided that I would try avoiding the bar scene (plus having a full-time job and raising 2 girls on your own really puts a strain on a social life). This friendly, funny, witty, thoughtful, slightly dorky, and mildly handsome short guy was going to delve into a world he never thought he would enter…Internet Dating!!! Yes, I admit it. I was sort of embarrassed by it at first, but if you think about it rationally, meeting someone through a dating site makes much more sense (thus, you would think it should be more socially acceptable) than hooking up with someone at a bar. At least when you go the internet route, you have some sort of description of the person and the opportunity to communicate and see if the individual in question is someone you might find interesting and you can go from there.

My personal experience with internet dating was very positive (except for the one slightly crazy woman that was communicating with me). My goal when I started was just to meet some people. I had no expectation of meeting “my soul mate” or “Mrs. Right”; plus, I just got out of a long marriage so why would I want to get all serious with someone anyway. I remember when I made up my profile; I stated that I was just looking for casual dating but would consider something more serious if I met the ultimate woman. I think I even said that she would have to “knock my socks off”. I was unwilling to compromise again. This woman would have to be funny, smart, goal oriented, considerate, pretty, outgoing, loving, sexy, caring, non-materialistic, fun, talented, and have the ability to laugh at herself. She would also have to appreciate me and be able to reciprocate all the love and caring that I’m capable of giving. She would have to accept my faults and applaud my strengths…be my perfect partner. Oh yeah…and by the way…she would also have to accept and love my girls. I know…it’s quite a tall order and truthfully I figured it would take a long time to find someone even close to my ideal mate. So I began my quest in earnest and had a strong response from women that found my profile and/or picture interesting. I also initiated communication to a handful of potential dates. There was one woman in particular, who originally caught my eye with her beautiful picture, but it was her intriguing profile that really got my attention. Thankfully, she returned my email. After about a week, I was talking on the phone or emailing a few women regularly and actually went on a lunch date. But I kept coming back to that one person that I found so interesting. I looked forward to her emails each day and found that our situations were so different yet undeniably similar. She became the main focus of my cyber attention. Our messages to each other were amazing (I still have them saved, by the way). Then it happened…she asked me on a date. I was so excited that I was going to meet this person. However, a fear crept over me…when it was just an email relationship I could envision this woman in the context of her profile and email messages…would the real woman live up to this preconceived idea I had of her…would I live up to the expectations she had of me…I longed for her messages each day, but if the date went bad what would I have to look forward to? I pushed the negative thoughts aside and pressed on. I will never forget when I first saw her…she was walking towards me and it was just like a movie when the music plays and the object of desire is walking in slow motion across the room with a beam of light shining down on them. I was stunned for a minute but regained my composure. I pulled it together and we ended up having a great time together. She was all that I had imagined and more. That date ended up spring boarding us into more dates together and that initial flame quickly consumed us. Neither of us was looking for a serious relationship but we both realized we had something special.

You all know how this story ends…actually “ends” is not the proper word, because the story continues still today. I’m still amazed that I found someone that “knocked my socks off”, especially so soon. My wife is the ultimate woman and I love her more everyday. I think there is a lesson here too…Don’t be afraid to try something different. I could have let my negative perception of internet dating prevent me from trying it. It was a great experience…also, sometimes you find what you aren’t looking for…when this happens; have the courage to accept it. You’ll be glad you did.

Santa Claus is Dead!!!

2006-12-28T12:50:00.000-08:00

Well it’s back to work for me. I didn’t have the luxury of an extended holiday break. But, I think I’m doing better than my wife, who I suspect is slowly going mad, trying to entertain the kids during Christmas vacation. Hopefully you all had a great Christmas holiday. Mine was okay. It didn’t quite live up to the vision I had, but was nice none the less. The biggest challenge was our household being overrun by illness. My step-son was the most severe of group and kept my wife (who was also sick) on edge most of the weekend with his cough induced vomiting and lack of appetite. I felt sleep deprived due to waking up in the middle of the night to help administer breathing treatments or clean-up vomit. However, the wife and I pulled it together and upheld our holiday promises to the kids. Santa arrived on Christmas Eve, as expected, and the children seemed to enjoy their gifts. The night took an unfortunate turn when my youngest daughter started mentioning, with disappointment, the things that she didn’t receive; all while standing next to the tower of gifts that Santa brought her. This occurred a mere day after she embarrassed me at my mother-in-law’s house, by acting unappreciative of some of the gifts she received there. I had a stern talk with her on the way home about being a considerate, grateful, thoughtful and gracious receiver of gifts. So I was very disappointed about this development that occurred on Christmas Eve. I sent her to her room and collected my thoughts for a moment. I recalled being her age, and loving the act of opening presents. It was exciting to me. But I remember appreciating the gifts I received, and never really felt like I wanted for anything. I joined my daughter in her room and I did it…I killed Santa Claus. I felt like her greed was overshadowing the magic of Santa and the meaning of Christmas, and it would do her a disservice to allow it to continue. I explained to her that the gifts under the tree were provided by the hard work and sacrifices of her dad and step-mother, not some jolly fat-guy dressed in red. I further explained that she was so lucky to have what she does and there are so many less fortunate people. I also tried to make clear that this lesson isn’t just for Christmas but for everyday of your life. If you live your life around material possessions, you will never be happy because there is always something bigger, brighter, faster, etc. I stopped short of using her biological mom, by name, as a perfect example of how being self-centered blinds a person from enjoying the simplicities of life and the things they have. Plus, since the individual only thinks of themselves, they have very few friends and tend to exist in a state of unhappiness and loneliness with only their possessions, and the drive to get more things, to keep them company. Maybe these concepts are too advanced for an 8 year old to fully grasp, but I feel like it is important to at least “plant the seed” and try to reinforce the message.

For all that went wrong with the holiday, I was able to keep things in perspective. Last year during Christmas, my first (starter) marriage was breathing its last dying breaths. I felt unloved, unappreciated, and both physically and mentally exhausted. With the exception of impending divorce, I was uncertain what the new year had in store for me. This year started rough but it eventually brought me more happiness than I thought possible. I’ve written before about how fortunate I feel and even though my new family’s first Christmas together was less than perfect, I still feel that way. I think about how far our family has come in such a short amount of time and it is pretty amazing really. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes doesn’t measure up to our expectations, but that’s okay. The fact that I feel so loved and needed, makes it’s easy to maintain a positive attitude. I think my attitude helps me to be a better husband, father, and all around person. So, here is hoping you had a great Christmas and you’re granted many blessings in 2007….Until next time.

Pet Peeve

2006-12-13T08:19:00.000-08:00

The nice spammer, who infected my last post with three comments, has prompted the subject of today’s blog entry. Is there anything more annoying than unsolicited advertisements or information? I mean…do these tactics really work on anyone? You spammers out there…get a life…just think of all the good you could do if you directed your efforts towards something constructive instead of trying to get people to make millions of dollars from home or increase their penis size.
Okay…here is another pet peeve…people who own dogs, yet leave them permanently outside chained up or fenced in. I’m sure the dog just loves being subjected to the elements and totally ignored by their owners. It seems like every neighborhood has one of these. We neighbors also suffer when we open our windows to enjoy some unseasonably warm weather and are subjected to the insistent barking of an attention starved animal that sounds off at every passing car, person, insect, falling leaf, or plane flying overhead. My question is…why even own the animal if the only interaction between pet and owner is when the human caretaker slings some food at the animal once a day? The answer can’t be for companionship. Maybe the answer is protection. Hmm…Let’s see…maybe instead of owning a dog, try installing motion sensitive perimeter lighting around your house and have an alarm system installed. The alarm companies are always running specials and the monthly charge is probably comparable to the cost of feeding ole Sparky, especially when you consider the home insurance discount for the alarm. Or maybe, just keep the dog inside. I’m sure it could “protect” you better from in there and it would allow your neighbors a, much appreciated, peaceful nights sleep. So…what are some of your pet peeves?
P.S. I’d hate to sign off on a negative tone, so I’ll leave you with a little saying. I took it from a good friend of mine, who includes it in all of his emails. Here it is:

Sing like no one is listening
Dance like no one is watching
Love like you have never been hurt before

Why Do Weekends Go By So Fast?

2006-12-12T09:36:00.000-08:00

Ahh…there is nothing like a 4 day weekend to recharge the batteries. It was quite an action packed weekend. A few of the highlights:
We started out the weekend with a mini-date night (grown-ups + one child) on Friday. We celebrated in our traditional way…a couple of ribeyes and a nice bottle of wine. Although I must admit, I’ve been struggling to reach my lofty standards of grilled steak perfection. My last two efforts have been good, but not the awe inspiring feats of steaky goodness, that I’m accustomed to. It’s the lack of daylight and the colder outdoor temperatures that have thrown off my routine. Yes, it’s true; the winter time is unkind to us hardcore grillers. But, with a little more practice, I’m sure I’ll return to my place as the “grill master”.
Saturday was official date night. We dropped the little one off at his Nana’s, and we were off to enjoy our freedom. My feelings of liberation were short-lived when my lovely wife suggested that we go to the mall to find her the perfect shirt to match the rest of the crew for our impending family picture. The parking lot was packed. I drove around for 10 minutes trying to find a parking spot before my bride suggested getting dropped off to get a jump on shopping. I told her I would call her once I found a spot and had entered the said mall. She called twenty minutes later and was wondering if I was having phone problems, since I hadn’t called to give her an update. Nope…the phone was working fine, just hadn’t found a parking spot yet. It is amazing what goes through ones mind when they seem to be wandering aimlessly through this blacktop hell. But, I’ll spare you the details, because it is the holiday season after all. I finally found a parking spot and rejoined my wife inside and we resumed the search for the matching outfit, that was color coordinated but not to the point that we were all the same. See matching but not too-matching like some creepy clones. She found the perfect blouse, after thoroughly searching no less than 7 stores. I was a trooper through it all and didn’t complain once. We went out for dinner and to celebrate our one month anniversary. I was wondering what the symbol is for the one month milestone….is it paper or maybe…umm…a kitchen appliance…I don’t know. I personally think it should be the tissue, because thinking about the wedding day still waters the eyes (more on this later). We finished up the night at home watching grown-up TV.
Sunday’s highlight was wrapping all of the kiddo’s Christmas presents while watching Christmas shows. I introduced my wife to one of my favorites, A Christmas Story. I was amazed that she had been deprived from seeing this classic movie for so long. It is truly a great movie and it makes me giggle like an idiot every time I watch it. The kids all returned home in the afternoon and we spent the rest of the day playing and watching the tube.
Yesterday we attempted the most feared feat for all families…the family picture. It is quite a challenge, especially when there are so many strong willed personalities in our family. But, I’m happy to report that we made it through relatively unscathed and I think there are actually a few good pictures that came out of it. I’m sure there will be some good ones, since we had our photographer from our wedding do the pictures. She is so talented and comes up with many unconventional poses and situations to capture stunning images of special moments. After the shoot, we were talking with our photographer and she was telling us how she was striving to get our wedding pics finished this week (I forgot to mention that we chose to have our family photos taken at the same place we held the wedding). (Okay…get your barf bags ready) She said that there are so many awesome photos of our amazing day. And continued by saying, our wedding was the smallest one that she ever shot but was the most intimate, romantic and heartfelt ceremony that she ever attended and looking at the pictures brought tears to her eyes. That meant a lot to me because I felt like it was an amazing day, but wondered if it had an impact on our guests and if they could feel the love that was expressed that day. In fact, my dear bride and I both felt that the honeymoon couldn’t even live up to the joy and happiness that we experienced that day. We heard many compliments from the attendees, but since they were either family or friends, I wondered just how genuine their praise was. The photographer confirmed our feelings about the wedding and it makes me wish you could bottle the feelings and emotion of that day. Of course…bottled or not…our mushy, sappy, and disgustingly romantic feelings keep getting stronger each day.
Okay…I’ll spare you any further punishment. Hope you have a great week and remember…only 12 more shopping days until Christmas.

Come On Weekend!

2006-12-07T09:13:00.000-08:00

Boy am I exhausted. I’m just finishing up 11 straight days of work…and I was knee deep in maintenance those 11 days. Some of you may not know, but this is the worst time of year to be an aircraft mechanic. Something about the transition from warm to cold weather compels aircraft to expel large quantities of their vital fluids (such as fuel, oil and hydraulic fluid) out of their tanks, lines and reservoirs; onto the flightline or parking ramp. Some attribute this phenomenon to rubber seals and metal aircraft structures contracting under the colder temperatures (or it could be related to the fact that the youngest aircraft in our fleet is a mere 44 years old). I personally believe it is the aircraft themselves consciously creating the leaks as some sort of punishment to get even with their human care takers. The aircraft say to us, “if I’m forced to sit and suffer out in the cold temperatures and driving wind, you will be out here with me.” I know…you may be saying to yourself, “aircraft are inanimate objects and don’t experience feelings or thoughts”. I would have to disagree. Aircraft are much like humans, in that each one has its own personality. I’ve seen some that were so dependable, that you could always rely on them. They have very few mechanical problems and when problems did arise, they were usually minimal and the aircraft seemed to love to fly. They thrive on knowing that the aircrews and maintainers are proud of them. However, these aircraft always had issues when you were forced to keep them down for extended periods of time for scheduled inspections and maintenance. It is almost like you could see the demeanor of the aircraft change. But once you finished up the inspections and nursed it back to health, you would just rub her nose and she was ready to fly again. I also have seen the other side of the spectrum. You know…the problem child. The one that will fight you every step of the way and wants all of the attention it can get, even if it means getting its innards removed to fix it. These planes hate to fly and will do anything in their power to sabotage the mission and make the maintainer’s job as frustrating as possible. Another characteristic of these creatures is once you are working on them and things are going badly; the only way to make progress is to cuss, kick and scream until the aircraft submits and starts cooperating. NOTE: Sometimes cussing, kicking, and screaming do not actually aid in fixing the particular circumstance that has caused the mechanic frustration, but it does make the said mechanic feel better.
Okay…so I admit…I have rubbed a couple noses this week and cussed up a storm on a few occasions. I have run the gamut of talking sweetly and yelling a tirade at some of the 4-engined, flying, children that I care for. No…I’m not psycho (despite what the voices in my head tell me) I just need a day off:) Hope you have a great weekend, I know I will.

Wow...What happened to November?

2006-11-26T21:45:00.000-08:00

There has been such a flurry of activity that it is hard to figure out where to start….No…I take that back, it’s actually pretty easy to figure out…The Wedding…What a day!!! It was a small and somewhat informal ceremony, but it was amazing. When you have two people that have such a deep love for each other, professing that love in front of friends and family; it was very moving, to say the least. I mean, I’m hand in hand, looking at this beautiful woman whom is the love of my life; she tells me how inspiring I am to her and continues with “the day I gave her my heart, it became her most treasured possession.” It took my breath away. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the place (including myself). My (our) girls were superb and we were happy to include them in the ceremony by presenting them each with a family medallion. All the details came together seamlessly from the beautiful cake, awesome catering, the highly talented concert pianist and our phenomenal photographer. I can’t wait to see the finished pictures, because the samples that I have seen so far are amazing. I will finish off the talk of the wedding by saying I hope all couples experience the feeling that we felt that day. I really can’t put it into words, but I know I didn’t want the day to end. I think society sort of paints the picture that the wedding day is more for the bride and it is the old “ball and chain” for the groom. It couldn’t have been further from that for me, I felt like it was a celebration and I’m very excited for the future. Now to the honeymoon!

We decided to go to Disneyworld. I know you might be thinking that it isn’t the most romantic of places, but we are both kids at heart and with “the town that Mickey built” only one short non-stop flight away, it was really a no-brainer. We had a blast. The weather was perfect, crowds were remarkably light and lines were basically non-existent. Nobody does theme parks better than Disney. A few highlights were Expedition Everest at Animal Kingdom, what a ride (other than being scared my lovely bride was going to abruptly barf when we started rocketing backwards through hills and turns). Mission Space and, the perennial favorite, Space Mountain didn’t disappoint either. By far, my favorite ride was Soarin at Epcot. For those of you that aren’t familiar with the attraction, you basically sit suspended in front of a giant movie screen that shows the awe inspiring scenery of California. The ride features scents from the scenery that you are viewing (ex. you smell oranges when flying over an orchard of orange trees, evergreen scents in an evergreen forest). You feel like you are really flying. I used to have dreams like that; where it was just my body, without any outside forces, soaring through the sky. Soarin literally gave me goose bumps and my wife and I rode it no less than six times. We returned to the reality of the real world slightly exhausted from taking full advantage of five days of “park hopping” and the Disney dining plan and all of its perks. Next up was Thanksgiving.

We chose (or were we elected?) to host our first Thanksgiving in our new home this year. My mother-in-law decided to help ease the pressure and ordered us a pre-cooked turkey with all of the trimmings, from the local grocery store. Thanksgiving morning we calculated the weight of the turkey and the length of the guest list (which grew) and figured that we would be left with zero leftovers (which is unpatriotic in my book). Luckily with the help of the internet and our grocery store’s supply of unfrozen turkeys, my bride saved the day. The “domesticated goddess” (see note) flawlessly pulled it all together for an extremely successful Thanksgiving dinner that totally belied our lack of experience for said event. NOTE: I started referring to my wife as domesticated goddess because when we first started dating she stated that she didn’t cook, but since we have lived together, she has been fabulous in the kitchen…well that it aside for only one incident that I can think of…tater-gate is what it is known as in these parts…but I won’t get into all of that. Truthfully I think she just told me she couldn’t cook so I’d love her for her personality instead of her culinary prowess…lol. Okay…back to the story: We capped the day’s events by setting up and decorating our Christmas tree. It is my first artificial tree and I was vehemently against “fake trees” in the past, but last year my beloved Frazier fir was a fire hazard by the time I removed it from the house and if someone so much as breathed on it, it would immediately deposit a bazillion (yes, I actually consider that a legitimate mathematical figure) pine needles on the floor. So it goes. Yes, I’ll miss the smell of a true pine tree, but that is what they make candles for and this way we get to enjoy the majesty of our tree for as long as we want. Plus, I think I like this new family tradition of decorating the tree on Thanksgiving Day.

Well…it looks as if I’m about at my self imposed word count limit, I think I’ll sign off…I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and were able to find many things to be thankful for. I hope the holiday season finds you in good health and good spirits. Take care.

The Gemini's Emotional Side

2006-11-10T11:45:00.000-08:00

I never bought too much into that whole astrological sign thing, but being a Gemini, I definitely display many of "the twins" traits. Today, the day before the wedding and I’m feeling very in tune with my emotional side, almost on a feminine level; and I’m not ashamed to admit that. It’s been quite a year and I’ve felt the lowest of lows; from my divorce and how it deeply affects my youngest daughter to my close friend’s suicide and throw in a family conflict for good measure. But I’ve also experienced the highest of highs; like feeling the liberation of getting out of a marriage that was, lets just say, less than ideal then moving on to find an incredible woman.

It all really struck me this morning, how amazing love can be. I readily admit that I was young and ignorant in my first marriage and stayed with it because I made a vow and I thought it was the right thing for the kids. I had never experienced deep love with a woman so I didn’t understand that was what you based you marriage on, not some words that you say. I finally get it. I was thinking about the culmination of events today and it brought tears to my eyes. My fiancé and I have been together a short time, but we have a special connection and know each other remarkably well. I never believed in the term “soul mates”, until I met her. Tomorrow, she will be my wife and I’m so excited for our future. I know it will not always be easy and these strong feelings will become less intense with time. But, I also know if two people are truly devoted to each other, there is nothing they can't overcome and no matter what; we always have that core emotion and connection to each other.

I feel very grateful that I get the chance to experience love like this. I hope that all of you in relationships can relate to what I speak of…you know…how you feel incomplete without your special someone by your side. I know many people sell themselves short or settle for something less and that makes me sad; especially to think I was one of those people for such a long time. So, here is to hoping all of your relationships are good ones.

This will probably be my last post for a week or so…unless I find a few spare minutes during our honeymoon. I realize this post is a little sappy, but that’s the point isn’t it? Besides, the masculine part of my Gemini personality is very secure. Until next time…take care.

Wedding Faux Pas?!

2006-11-06T07:45:00.000-08:00

It’s a dreary Monday, but I had a very nice weekend and hope you all enjoyed yours as well. All of the kids were away with their other parents, so my fiancé and I kicked off the weekend by racing to the courthouse, before closing time, to get the wedding license. After the clerk depleted half a rain forest, by butchering the spelling of my home town’s name; no less than 8 times and placing other vital information in the wrong spots, we finally exited with license in hand; to the well wishing of many of the voters that turned out to partake in their civic duties and cast their ballots for the local elections. We adjourned to the house for our traditional date night routine consisting of steaks, grilled to perfection, by yours truly, and a nice bottle of wine. Dinner was followed by watching television programs absent of any animation, talking inanimate objects or adults, dressed in ridiculous clothes, singing children’s songs. It was a very good night. Most of the weekend followed the same theme, with many constructive things taking place, such as Christmas shopping, waterproofing the deck, and finalizing wedding preparations. But for all that went well, me and my bride to be, were reminded that we made some serious wedding faux pas.
First, we scheduled our wedding on the first day of hunting season. This ended up being both good and bad. On the good side, I have a couple of acquaintances that happen to be hunters, which I didn’t plan on inviting to the wedding. At first I got some comments like “I didn’t receive my wedding invitation yet, must be some problem with the mail”. But after they realized which day the ceremony was to take place, they praised me for not wasting the postage to send them the said invitation. On the bad side, a few of my good friends, that WERE invited, are hunters. I was talking to one of my buddies and he was visibly distraught by the scheduling conflict. We sat discussing solunar tables, sunrise times and mileage from hunting spots to the wedding location. He said he wouldn’t miss the wedding for anything and came up with a game plan to both hunt and attend the wedding. I was happy that my event was not going to put my friend out, but a thought crossed my mind. It is very possible that, while saying our vows, the bride and I may actually smell the distinctive scent of “doe in heat” deer lure. Or, that fluorescent orange clothing may be spotted amongst the attendees. Well, we are in Arkansas and my fiancé and I have embraced that fact and will be offering two different styles of wedding favors. One will be a traditional favor, the other is going to cater to the “rednecks” in the group (I can’t divulge the details because it is a surprise, but I may post a picture after the big event).
Finally, it was pointed out that our wedding day is the same day that the, 8 win and 1 loss, Razorbacks host their SEC rival, Tennessee Volunteers. While the wedding will be over before kickoff, attendees would not be able to make the trip to Fayetteville and do any tailgating. I also found out today that, not only is the game going to be televised by ESPN; it is going to be the location for the “College Game Day” telecast. That’s pretty big stuff. So, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear a “hog call” during the reception….WOOO…PIGGGG…SOOIIIEEEE!!!!!
I guesss any, would be, couple have some sort of scheduling challenges to overcome. I think Saturday is going to be a great day and I’m so excited…florescent orange, deer piss, pig sounds and all.

Good-bye October, Hello November!

2006-11-01T12:03:00.000-08:00

Well, another Halloween season has come and gone. Is it just me, or is this year flying by? I hope you all had a great Halloween Holiday. Mine was very good. We started ours this past Saturday. I took my two girls out on the back deck to gut…I mean, carve the pumpkins that we plucked from the local pumpkin patch. The jack o lanterns turned out great and I must admit that I found it quite amusing to see my very girly youngest daughter; shoulder deep inside the pumpkin, enthusiastically ripping the entrails out. We tried to get my, very soon to be, stepson involved in the action but the sight of the pumpkin innards caused him to start gagging. My wonderful fiancé further enhanced the Halloween spirit by roasting the very pumpkin seeds that were harvested from our jack o lanterns. (Unfortunately, I believe she seasoned the seeds with crack instead of salt because I ended up eating half my weight in pumpkin seeds. Despite the havoc the seeds wreaked on my digestive system, I still couldn’t stay out of them on Sunday. I figured that I would remedy my problem by taking the remaining seeds to work to share with my co-workers. Needless to say, the bag of seeds ended up in front of me and I polished them off in about 5 minutes flat. I think I have developed some sort of addiction because I found myself checking all of the jack o lanterns on my street for remnants of seeds this morning.) Okay…back to the Halloween events…We got the kids all dressed up in their costumes and took them to the community center for the fall festival. It was sort of lame in my book, they only had a few games and attractions for the kids, but they had fun none the less. Last night was spent with a brief trick or treating session on our street before we went to, yet another, Halloween festival; where my eldest daughter won some stuffed animals (yeah…we didn’t have enough already). On our way home from the festival my eldest daughter expressed a desire to do some more trick or treating. I was reluctant and seriously considering playing the “it’s been a long day and I’m tired from work” card, but I toughed it out. I’m so glad that I did. While we were walking and talking in the brisk autumn air, a thought occurred to me. My daughter is 12 and she still likes hanging out with her dad, but I know the days are numbered. Hell, next year she might not even want to go trick or treating, let alone, have her dad taking her house to house. I enjoyed her company and hoped the evening would be a happy memory for her some day. But, the point is, I almost missed that opportunity. I’ll be sure to remain vigilant for future ones.
Good bye October. I’m very excited about November. I’m getting married in 10 days followed by a weeklong honeymoon. Then we have Thanksgiving to look forward to. Yes, November looks to be a great month.

Who Do You Love?

2006-10-29T10:59:00.000-08:00

My fiancé and I were watching TV and a commercial for John Stewart’s show came on. It was then that she professed her love for him…and for Dermot Mulroney…and for Matthew McConaughey. I was incensed! Who was this woman sitting next to me and where was the one that looked at me like I was the most wonderful man in the world. I stuttered and stammered for a moment and finally was able to attain rational thought again. I figured that she was mostly joking…mostly. Seriously though, I’m a confident person but realize that when comparing the tangible attributes, between myself and the aforementioned individuals, I fall a little short. Hell, there are plenty of wealthier, younger and better looking people than me in real life, let alone in Hollywood. I’m okay with that because I know I have a lot to offer and I think my strong suit is in intangibles like caring, compassion, a strong work ethic, integrity and sense of humor (and that’s to mention anything about my prowess in the bedroom…lol…I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist throwing that in there). My love sent my mind to work again when she asked me if there were any famous people that I loved. Hmm….there’s plenty of famous people that I find attractive, but none that I ever used the word “love” to describe. Then an unlikely person came to mind.
I thought about that female carpenter from the show Trading Spaces; I think her name is Amy. She isn’t what you would describe as stunning, but she is so damn handy with a circular saw. I imagined a conversation over coffee on a Saturday morning, going something like this:
Me: I was just thinking, we could really use some shelves in the laundry room.
Amy: Yeah, I think you’re right. First I have to finish hand carving the mahogany entertainment center then I’ll get right on it.
Me: You rock.
Amy: No, you rock.
Me: No, you rock.
Amy: No, you rock.
Okay, you get the picture. Then I started getting an uneasy feeling about this fictional relationship. I mean I don’t think I’m ready for “his” and “hers” hand tools. Then I started to foresee additional problems like her berating me for failure to properly lubricate my air tools or the disheveled appearance of my rollaway tool box. Plus, I secretly enjoy doing handy stuff around the house; it kind of makes me feel important. So, I don’t think this thing would work out. I guess there are truly no famous people that I love. Besides, when your about to marry a beautiful, sexy, extremely intelligent, and fun loving woman, who just happens to be a talented romance writer; what can compare to that?
So…who do you love?

Injustice!

2006-10-29T10:58:00.000-08:00

There’s a sort of rivalry amongst the armed services. Obviously, being a member of the Air Force would cause me to be biased to which one I feel is the best and truthfully that’s not debate I would choose to take part in anyway. I will say that each service has a unique mission and they all perform their assigned missions superbly. However, there is an area where services are not all equal, and that is Hollywood.
Think about the movies depicting the various armed services and you will see there is a great disparity. For example, the Navy scored big with the ever popular Top Gun. The Army and Marines have several excellent movies like Heartbreak Ridge, Full Metal Jacket, and Blackhawk Down just to name a few. But can you name any Air Force movies that aren’t totally cheesy? No! We get jewels like Iron Eagle. It did have an 80’s-riffic soundtrack though. So if any filmmakers are listening (or reading) out there, please do your part to correct this injustice.

Gender Assignment For Your Vehicle?

2006-10-25T16:43:00.000-07:00

So there I was, driving down the highway, when I noticed something hanging from underneath the pick-up truck in front of me. I got closer to see what it was and, low and behold, it was a set of nuts! Yep…testicles, balls, the two boys, family jewels, or whatever you choose to call them; this truck had a pair. I’m not sure how widespread this phenomenon is, but I have spotted a few other vehicles that are apparently “males”. I consider myself a bit of a northern redneck because I was born and raised in a rural northeastern town, where hunting and fishing was the major source of entertainment and a nice pickup truck was the vehicle of choice. So I understand the tendency to customize a vehicle especially with something functional (ex. bug deflector or mud tires) or with an emblem of your quarry or conservation group of choice. But, I just can’t see the sense of placing a replication of, arguably the least attractive part of the male anatomy, on one’s vehicle.
Now, two questions come to mind.
1. How did something like this find its way to a retailer?
I envision a brainstorming session at a major truck accessory supplier. All the brightest market research analysts are present and they lock themselves in a room determined to find the next big trend in vehicle accessories. After hours of debating, Bob stands up and says “I’ve got it. We’ll make rubberized testicles that can be attached to any vehicle to give it the manly touch.” The room breaks out in applause and Bob is awarded the employee of the month and gets a nice fat $15,000 bonus, for thinking “outside the box” or maybe “inside the pants” in this case.
2. The next question, what compels someone to actually spend the time and money to utilize this accessory?
Again, I envision a man named Cooter, who just spent thousands of dollars buying every truck accessory offered in a J.C. Whitney catalog. Cooter drives his highly modified “pride and joy” over to his friend Bubba’s house to show off his new ride. Bubba says “Truck looks good, it’s just not manly enough for my tastes, and it’s missing something. Cooter, I think your truck could use some balls.” And the rest, as they say, is history.

INTRODUCTION

2006-10-25T13:13:00.000-07:00

I’d like to take an opportunity to tell you a little about myself. I’m a very proud father of 2 great girls (ages 8 and 12). My official marital status is "divorced" but I'm actually engaged to the most amazing woman who is an erotic romance writer and fellow blogger (she actually talked me into creating this blog). She has the coolest two year old boy whom I’m excited to claim as my stepson. I’m an aircraft mechanic in the Air Force. I’ve been in for over 16 years and had the privilege of seeing some great places and experiencing some very rewarding opportunities. I also spent a lot of time in some not so great places (ex. Saudi Arabia 5 times). I’m an avid ice hockey fan and actually play in a league if I’m not helping tend to sick kids or the myriad of other things that pop up when you have a blended family and 5 people living under the same roof. Those small personal sacrifices are well worth it, I love my family and life is good. I hope you enjoy my blog and I welcome your feedback.